By GEORGE FITCH
The bulldog is dreadnaught of the canine tribe. He was constructed by nature in a belligerent mood, and is admirably fitted for anarchy and rebellion.
The bulldog is not as large as the mastiff, which is something for which to be thankful. He has a round, tapering body, a foreshortened tail, front legs shaped like two sides of a lyre and a chest which is so broad that you have to get around on one side to see the rest of him. The most distinguishing feature of the bulldog is his head. This is round, finished off at the top with small round ears, and for the rest is composed almost entirely of jaw.
The bulldog's jaw is capacious, and is very substantially made, so as to enable him to grab an automobile by the hind wheel and shake the engine out of it if necessary. Both upper and lower jaws are profusely decorated with a menacing and unsociable look which prevents strangers from picking him up and taking him home to play with.
Nature heartlessly gave the bulldog only the rudiments of a nose which looks as if it had been kicked by a mule. It has defective flues and gives the owner a painful exhaust. The bulldog has a retreating forehead, which is only natural, however. No one can blame the blame the forehead from wanting to get away from that face.
Tenacity and determination are the keynotes of the bulldog's nature, and these have made him famous. His jaws have a timelock attachment, and when they cannot be opened until the full of the moon. A United States senator holding onto his vested interests is a vacillating and fickle creature compared with the bulldog which has closed his face upon some hostile object. Many a marauder who has attempted to rob a farmhouse equipped with a pink-eyed bulldog is now mournfully engaged in trying to wear the creature off of his person with very poor success.
Because of their faithful and well-directed ferocity, bulldogs are greatly beloved by their owners exclusively. Moreover, they are highly prized for their ugliness, just as impressionist pictures are. An abnormally bow-legged bulldog with a five gallon chest and a face which looks like an old rubber shoe in a fit, will frequently bring $1,000 to his designer.
In spite of their appearance and their talents, bulldogs are affectionate and kind with those to whom they have been properly introduced. For this reason we should strive at all times to enlarge our social acquaintances with bulldogs, especially when traveling in a strange country.
Saturday, January 15, 1916
dreadnought |ˈdredˌnôt| (also dreadnaught )
1 historical a type of battleship introduced in the early 20th century, larger and faster than its predecessors and equipped entirely with large-caliber guns.